Nobody's Child, Everybody's Children:

The Hidden Losses of Infertility

All staff who work with individuals and couples who have fertility difficulties need to be aware of the many losses that people experience along their fertility journey to try and become parents.  More often than not, these losses are ‘hidden’ and sometimes not even voiced to their partner, family, or friends.

The losses range from loss of the longed for/imagined child, loss of self-image, loss of life-stages, loss of meaning of existence, loss of control, and feelings of genetic ‘death’ if they cannot pass on their genes. People can consequently feel marginalized and isolated from their family and ‘fertile’ friends, with many wondering why they feel so sad, angry, depressed, and out of control.

One person they can share these deep emotions with is the counsellor. In the UK all Licensed Clinics (licensed by the HFEA, Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority) are obliged to offer counselling. The counsellor needs to be aware that they can be affected by the clients’ deep emotions that get ‘left behind’ with them, especially if they are experiencing their own personal and medical problems that touch on loss, e.g. having miscarriages or being diagnosed with a serious illness.

This presentation looks at how counsellors can help with these losses by carefully using their own experience of loss to help clients help themselves, and at the same time help the counsellors care for themselves.